..time is certainly flying

..i just realized one thing, and i know you will shake your head and say "you just noticed that now!", but my God time flies, not only when you are having fun, but also when you are just hanging out, i mean did you notice that today is 13th of Sept. and right around the corner we have christmas / new years waiting .. - not to mention in a short time from now i will add another candle in my birthday cake - how depressive is that.. - well to be honest i dont find it half as depressive as i use to, i mean after all 40 is the new 20 so i still have a couple of years to go, before it hit that. But seriously speaking, age has nothing to do with anything, (almost anything obviously there are a couple of exceptions where age is very important ... - you do the math) but in general it is not about how much time you have, but really what you do with the time you are given. I always get upset when i hear people talking about their time management (keep in mind i use to coach on this topic..) "Martin, i cant see manage my time.." or "i dont have time available.." both statements we all know are totally wrong, and here is why, you dont, never will, never going to, never can manage time - time is given, 24 hrs a day, 60 min in an hour, 60 seconds in a minute - what can you do about that ? you can only choose to manage yourself, decide what to spend time on, versus not spend time on, and then you will see the difference.. - there is no secrete behind getting more done than others, it is about how you organize yourself, successful people tend to be much better organized than others - but there is really no secrete.

So for me it is not all about business or success, i simple want to be organized so i have time to enjoy more around me, may that be weather, nature, friends, conversations or whatever .. i want to ensure that i get the most out of work and time spend at work so i want to smile and have fun, because before you know it, it will all be over ..

So friends, treasure your time, spend it well, and enjoy ever second you have - dont throw it away on silly stuff that doesnt add any value to your life .. - do what you want to do ..

till our next time, time is ticking .. 

..staying connected ..

So we are almost at the end of the week, and the sun is shining, birds are still singing, life is in general very good until you get caught in this digital world of trying to get connected to your friends, colleagues and whoever else that might be following you.. now i am not negative, i am not upset, i am in general in a very good mood, but can someone explain me one thing, "how on earth am i suppose to find the time to stay connected when i have so many different applications to update?".. so this it my evolution of digital, a long time ago i was on xing, then moved to LinkedIn, the on to google+, then twitter, then Klout, then path, then pinterest, on now finally foursquare - not to mention my normal googlemail, hotmail, company mail, sms and phone calls, i sometimes really feel like i am spending more time on "updating" my status or comments and tips than i am really talking or connecting with people .. - is this the new "normal" ? is this what is ahead of us,  i remember in the past when we started talking about social / digital apps making our lives easier, easier to connect, easier to communicate, but is it really making our lives easier ? i mean i am almost stressed out, if i dont get new followers on twitter! or if nobody gives me a +K on klout (which if you have done already would be very nice of you to make a habit out of doing - i mean to give me a bit of Social / digital credit :-)) but the question is really - does it help you, if yes, cool great, you must have a secrete or two on how to make it work, can you share that with me, i am eager to learn... if it doesnt work, lets hope that someone will give us some insight in making it work, as it seems that all of those social apps are here to stay... and if you cant beat them - join them ..

so friends to our next time, look me up on "foursquare" to see what i am really up to :-))

stay connected, stay real .. 

..once again..

..so once again i almost started slipping into the old routine of not updating my blog, BUT this time around i actually stopped myself from doing so, which made me think about one simply thing, how simple is it to procastinate, how simple is it to not do things here and now, and just leave it for tomorrow - and somehow hope that it will go away, have you ever tried that ? okay so this is what i found out, i typically procrastinate the things i dont like doing (big surprise right??!!), but when i finally get my act together to do something about it, i realize that thing i didnt like to do, is no longer alone, uuuhhh it has brought its family and friends, i mean seriously think of it, you procratinate and all of a sudden additional stress is coming on top of doing something you dont like to do, let me just mention a couple of the "family" members, time, frustrations from others, stress from others, and finally the lack of proper execution or delivery .. i must have procratinate things a million times, and it never stops to surprise me, just how painful it is in the end - when i finally have to do the work - uufff ... its kinda like going to bed to late, the morning after you know you should have gone to bed earlier -- will you change this ? most likely not.. but here is one reason why you should stop your procrastination ... - it save you time in the end, yes thats right, you will eventually free up more time, time that you can spend on the fun stuff.. so no more procratination from my side .. never ever again - until the next time of course :-)) because stopping to procrastinating is really a mindset, and with a mindset the biggest problem is you - yes! you!! you need to fundamentally change how you do things, you need to get organized and clean up your act, and that my friends is not easy .. especially not if we are use to do things for a long period of time, its all about breaking your habbits, and thats difficult, and that is coming from an old dog like me..

so i will give you an example, on of my own examples .. i love to write (if you havent noticed), but i love to write when i feel like it, i have writen for newspapers, i have done articles, stuff like that, but what i really deep down always wanted to do was to write a book, yes me, a book... i had the ideas, i had the main charecter, i even had the story - it was all in my mind, never on paper, so it was merely a dream, nothing else.. 4 month back or so - i took a piece of blank paper told myself that today was the day where i would start, and believe it or not, i did start, i think 3 weeks later i clicked save on my notebook - my first ever book was a reality ... my first book, in 3 weeks - i have procratinated this for years, 3 weeks.. i felt so good that i right away started my second book, and then it hit me, i started procrastinating on that one .. so guess what i am doing during the weekend - yes, i am writing again no more procratination..

my point in the end really is simple, procrastination is going to get you anywhere - you wont win anything on it, you wont get a special badge for procrastination, you wont impress anybody with it, and in the end you WILL have to do it anyways, with interests of course .. - so take a deep breath, and get it done ..

.. so my book is done, not yet published - and thats okay, for me the most important thing was to write it, i am sure one day you will be able to find the following in a bookshop..

"The man with only one regret" a book by Martin Nielsen,

so till our next time, look out for that book :-)

..how time is flying ..

did you ever notice how time is just flying, so i was leaving the office just the other day, reliving my way to short weekend (they generally are, aren't they..) and i looked down on my watch only to realize that it was already evening, and that a couple of hours more and i would doze of to sleep. I woke up in the morning, again why to late, and on the way to work, i was thinking about how time is flying, first the day in itself is just gone in a blink of an eye, then its the week, then its the month and before you know it, a new year is here, and congratulation you just got one year older - what a circle, what a life, what a world.. i mean it isnt really that bad, right! i mean you have your ups and downs, you smile, you laugh, you cry, you do all of that, but by the end of the day do you really manage to do the things you want to ? do you do what you love to do ? or do you feel stuck ? i started asking myself similar questions - and the conclusion was that i ended up in india, not bad right, it then made me change jobs, i made me change a couple of things in my life, it made me live slightly healthier, do more sports, control my temper, ask for more help and support, in general i would like to believe that due to the fact that i have understood that time is one of the few factors in life that you cant control, it has made me a more "grateful" person, i try to get more out of life, sure work is part of this as well, trust me without your job (even if you have enough money) you would be missing out on a lot of great stuff, colleagues, stress, pressure, long working hours, aircondition, and of course lack of time to do proper lunch, but most of all you would be missing out on the excitement of weekend coming, holidays coming .. - and this is something i am much more appreciative about now than ever before..

so in the middle of all this consideration of time, lack of it, using it wrong, using it good, i remember one thing i used to teach when i was doing trainings a loooong time ago, which i find ever so true no, time management really isnt about managing time (anyways you cant really, its given and it wont change..) but it is all about managing yourself, and what you do with the time you have available, do you really get the most out of your time everyday or do you waste it away on being bitter and frustrated, if so, trust me it really isnt worth it, i use to be like that ...

so not to sound like the best person in the world (which if you have read some of my previous posting will know i am not trying to be..) but here is what i did and do, i wrote out a simple list, a list that contains all the things i want to do, i want to see, and what to experience.. and i am trying to make the items on the list small, and very tangible, once i have that i start to do those things, see those things and experience those things, then i sit down tick of on my list and start to add new items - and on and on and ... now when i reflect back on my week, month or year, i really feel that i have achieved something..

so you might ask me for an example, here you go..  i wrote down i wanted to change my job role, aaanndd - as of 1st of july this year i started a new role .. tick in the box, on to the next one ..

friends whatever you do, you wont get more time, it is up to you how you use it, but with everything precious in life, it can never be replaced or substituted - so my advice to you is this, use your time wisely, dont waste it, its like wasting the most precious gift .. it would just be wrong..

with those words enough with the romance - friends, have a nice day, and till our next time, stay true.. 

..getting a bit confused ..

so every time i figure out something new, every time i get the understanding of something new, every time i get comfortable with something - something new and different comes along.. now its not that i consider myself out of date already, however i am starting to not being able to keep the pace, and i wonder how anybody can anymore. A long time ago i decided not to go with FB as i didnt find any needs for it, then i started doing a blog, then it was all of the hotmail / yahoo / gmail set up, then it was skype, it was ICQ, then slowly twitter, xing, linkedin, twitter, G+, dropbox, pinterest, klout, instagram, and it just keeps on coming .. i understand the structure of all of them, which is to build a "community", i guess some of them are meant to help you become more productive, but aren't all of those tools, micro-blogs etc starting to demand more of your time than before, are we not looking at investing more and more time on-line versus face to face, (okay that sounds so old fashion..), is this healthy? not that long ago i posted a tweet, which caused me to get a couple of direct messages that was rather unpleasant, my only comment was that with all the focus on internet / online children are now a-days becoming totally ad utterly socially awkward, i mean come on we have a new concept that is the "ipad generation", i was truly and utterly shocked when i heard that the first time .. imagine kids now-a-days dont smile to each other but send a :-) how weird..

so going from me being mentally tired of all the changes to internet / "onlineness" / my social community building / my own connectivity i am starting to look more at a new generation that is building their whole socialness on being online - what will happen when / if there is a outage.. what has the world come to.. i know you can stop development, but cant we make a balance between one and the other ..

As always if you have a comment or reply - feel free to drop me a line, .. till then stay social ..  

Once again it is reflection time..

So i promised i would be a bit more active on my blog, so here is two in a row .. :-) a couple of things are on my mind today..

First is about my blog, twitter, and Google+ page. So i have been asked by several people by now, what is your blog, twitter, etc all about? its actually very simple, its about everything and nothing, it is work related, it is personal, it is in general what is on my mind, sometimes inspirational thinking, problems, issues, friendship, all the things that we all are going through, i just choose to share these things with whoever wants to read, i am not saying i have the answers to everything, nor do i believe that my way is the best way, i simply need to get my thoughts out in the open .. - so if you are like me, great join the club, come with your input, share your thoughts, and lets get is all out in the open .. if you are not like me, well i hope you will find what i write and share at least a bit entertaining, because by the end of it all, isnt that really what we all miss, fun and entertainment .. arent we always asked to be serious, to concentrate, to focus, to be mature etc. why does it all have to be sooooo serious ..

Now the second thing is about making mistakes, and regretting them.. - uff that all of a sudden turned to a more serious topic, how many of us have made mistakes in our life? how many of us have done something bad or wrong to another person? how many of us have done something that we regret? Oh my God i can answer "yes" to all of them .. and multiple times, if mistakes and bad choices would be building blocks in a road, i would be able to build a highway by now. But here is the thing, its not that much about making the mistake, its not about the regret, its about understanding deep down inside of you that you made something wrong.. So i will give you an example so you can see what i mean, in my past i might have been a bit more selfish than i am now, i was young immature, and in general i didnt value what i had or who i had in my life (and i bet i am not the only one ..) so i hurt a lot of people, i upset a lot of friends, and it in general wasnt very nice....

After some strong wake-up calls, friends leaving you, girlfriend breaking up with you, colleagues ignoring you, you kinda end up in a place where you can a) blame everybody else but yourself or b) take a deep and long look at your life.. needless to say that i choose a) in the beginning - only to find myself repeating the same mistakes .. eventually i get forced to take choice b) and it was scary, it was unpleasant, it was ugly .. not so much because of what i had become, but more because of all the people i had cause pain. After spending a lot of time (and i mean years..) with regrets and guilt i actually ended doing the one and only thing i could do, i asked for forgiveness - i asked for forgiveness from my friends, family and ex-girlfriend, it was relieving, but to my surprise the guilt and regrets didnt go away, and that was when i realized the big thing, you can ask for forgiveness from others, from your love ones, and if they really do love you - they will forgive you, because in the end they love you .. - but the one that is the most difficult one to ask for forgiveness from, is actually yourself!

The road for self-recovery is a long and hard one my friends, its tough, it is not nice what you might find, but in the end it is worth it .. and for those people that you have hurt, they might not believe that you changed, they might not want to believe you - and thats okay, thats fine, the most important thing is that you know it!!

When i went and apologized needless to say that not everybody was equally impressed with me, they didnt believe my sincerity, my feelings, my want to change, and i still doubt that till now have found it in their hearts to forgive me, which is ok, because trust me when i say they cant put me through anything that i havent been through with myself already - they cant tell me anything i havent told myself already, they cant do anything to me, i havent done already ... - in the end your own worse enemy is yourself!

So a bit of deep thoughts on a Friday afternoon, but here is the conclusion, as important as it is to ask other people for forgiveness when you make mistakes, it is even more important that you forgive yourself, that you look at yourself and commit to yourself that you wont make that same mistake again..

Friends with this i wish you all a great weekend, remember one thing, Forgive but do forget .. 

It has been tooo long since my last post

so here goes, this will be one of the first and last times you will hear my apologies, so pay attention.. I am sorry for not being around lately, sorry for not posting anything lately, and more important i am sorry for not keeping you up-to-date with what i have been doing lately... (theoretically i can come with a long list of excuses - but i will spare you for that ...) Instead, let me promise you that i will try harder to stay in touch... (oh i did mention that i am on twitter so there you can find out what this little bird is up to ..)

Anyways let me give you a short (ultra-short) update, so life has changed a lot since i came back from India - i guess everything started with India and now the ball is rolling. I have asked myself this question many times by now, "would i have gone to India, knowing just how much i would change?" - the answer is a clear and obvious ..... "yes, but"... i sometimes have the feeling that an innocent "Martin" went to India and a much more mature "Martin" returned, i mean i still joke and laugh, but something inside of me has changed, i am more "aware", more realistic, i see things in a different light, and more over all of the "dots" are now starting to get connected .. I am referring to the "dots" a lot lately, but i really find it important to understand "how" and "why" you end up in the situation as you do .. - so that is what i mean with connecting the dots..

So besides the fact that i have change my life, i have also change job, still working for the same company, (a dead give a way what company that is, if you would look at my twitter profile :-) and you know as well as i do, that with all changes comes dynamics, challenges, stress, mistakes, hard work, and trust me i have and still is going through these things ... - but one thing i can honestly say is, wow what a great set of people i am working with and working for, sure everybody have ups and downs, so do i, so do the people i work with and work for, that natural, but i really do feel that the people i work with are passionately about their job, they give it their maximum and then more, and boy do the make it look simple (i am still struggling with a lot of things - dont tell anybody) ..

Friends this was a short little update from me, more to come (i promise..), remember one thing, "love what you do, and do what you love.."

till our next time, take care, 

..a long time since my last update..

before i start - my apologies for not being around lately .. work is consuming all my time lately .. :-(( good news is that i am finally moving forward in the modern age of technology and you can now follow me on ... - yes you guessed it TWITTER ... look me up on @nielsen_1978 ... and there i try to be much more active .. so give me a tweet, drop me a line ..

so till that tweet tweet - little bird .. :-)))  

..Where to begin, and where to end..

after close to 25 hours of waiting, travelling, waiting so more and then traveling some more I finally eye my end stop - Vienna airport, as I take my bag, and move through the checkout, I am met by the driver that is helping me with my luggage when we come to the car, it is freezing for me, I am seriously cold, and not only because I didn't sleep for 25 hours but because it is -2 degrees outside. As I get into the car, and we sneak out from the airport - it hits me the first time that I am back in Europe, it is dark and cold outside, and as we go slowly accelerate on the highway it hits me, there are almost no cars on the highway, there is no sound, and it is so quiet, so silent, so boring.. After a 45 min drive I am finally at home, the key slides into the lock, I hear the familiar click when I unlock the door and I step into my empty apartment, everything is as I left it 4 weeks ago, I cant help but think to myself that it is with a bitter sweet symphony I am at home, I miss my friends in India, I miss my colleagues that I was use to meeting everyday in Chennai, I miss the sounds, the smell, the atmosphere, I pretty much miss everything, this 4 week assignment has impacted me more than I ever dreamt of ..

As I unpack my bag the smell of India is still hanging in my cloth, and it makes me think back to what I went through in India, the memories, the fun, the tears, the experiences, looking back it hits me even harder how much I miss India, one chapter of my life is over and a new one will start, and with this in the back of my mind I slide into a heavy sleep, were I am reconnected with my friends and colleagues from India.

I spend almost 3 month preparing for a 4 week assignment in India, and I feel that it all just started last night - I feel like it was last night that my friend (that I will be grateful to forever for this) told me that I should apply for this assignment, I feel like it was last night that I was sitting at home receiving the e-mail, telling me that I would spend 4 weeks in Chennai, I feel like it was last night that I found out that I would be working for a NGO supporting street children and promoting child rights, like last night that I met Susanna and the rest of the CSC team, like it was last night that we had our first call with our client.. but it is now 4 months later, and a lot of new of memories later, it is a different martin that is back in Bratislava, it is a martin that has lived through ups and downs, seen different things, tried different things, it is a martin that went through a changing process, a maturing process, where he learned about himself - I can truly say that I have learn new dimensions about myself, I have changed in my leadership style, I have improved in many aspects, I have become more flexible, adaptable and adjustable to pretty much whatever is thrown at me, I feel I can work and lead in any environment, I feel I have learn how to truly connect with people that I though I would never be able to connect with, I feel I have become a bit more humble, I have become a bit less egoistic, and much more patient  .. and it is all thanks to these last 4 months

so before thinking about how much I have changed and what I have changed into, I seriously need to get use to the weather, when I was leaving Chennai it was 32 degrees and outside is a nice fresh -3 degrees welcoming me, this and also the almost 5 hours time difference, it is hitting me harder than I thought, all in all I think I underestimated a lot of things before going to India - next time when I return there I will make sure I don’t, and I will return to India, I mean it is a fantastic country, there is a ton of things to see and do, and as the country is so incredible hug it will take me a least a couple of trips back before I see what I would like to see, I guess I will have my travel plans made out for myself for the next couple of years, and one last thing about India, before I left to India I couldn’t imagine living and working there, now back in Bratislava I can easily imagine living and working in India - funny how life turns out ..

so to all of my colleagues that might read this, if you ever get a chance to go on our CSC assignment, don’t wait one single sec to apply it is a wonderful, amazing and fantastic experience - and I am forever going to be thankful for having had this chance, to meet, to learn, to see, to smell, to experience, to change, to develop and to grow .. - It is a life changing experience ..

Personally, I have never in my wildest imagination thought going to India would have had such a profound impact on my life, I have never thought that my life would be turn so incredible upside down as it has been, I never dared to hope for such a wonderful life-changing experience, and now that I have had it - the question is what is next for me ? that my friends is a question that I can not answer right now, however what I do know is that I will always have India inside of me, it is burned deep within me ..

..it all started with a Thali and it finishes here as well..

so remember when i wrote a post about my first thali - it was in a place called "woodlands" not that far from where we live, well the team, or the left overs from the team decided to go there for dinner, after we had a small hugging session on the 2nd floor, we got some small presents from the hotel staff and in return they got some tips for their work during the past 4 weeks, it was a nice couple of hours, although i caught myself several times in going from high laughter to being quiet for a while - thinking to myself "its all over now, the end is near .." and a long flight and day is in front of me tomorrow morning, oh well no time to be sad about it now - i can do that when i am home alone right, so i refind my good mood, and we walk of to woodlands...

(Kristian and Susanna discussing the outcome of the program .. note her Saree .. ) 

at woodlands we spend most parts of our time to talk about our lessons learned, what we have changed or improved on, what we have developed, and the conversation is really great..we are talking and discussing whether or not it was long enough, or to long time spend in india, and in general we all share our opinions and feedback from the 4 weeks - the passed by in a blink of an eye ... and once again i blink and i find myself standing outside the hotel saying my goodbyes to Kristian, and after that we spend another 2 hours talking on the 2nd floor, before i at around midnight say my last goodbyes and then i am off to a night that is going to be short - and eventually bring me nothing but twisting and turning... tomorrow is going to be a long day ...



"...the end of our trip is near, the time is up, we say our goodbye to each other, to what have become friends and family, and to a fantastic country and city that has left its marks on our souls forever and ever, memories that i hope will never be forgotten, faces that will stay with me till i am old and grey..." 


Martin Nielsen, November 11th - 2011 

..what do you reply to this?...

so the party is over, we are signing the last papers, postcards, having some more picture taken, and have a final sitting with Virgil, on my way out, i get "pulled" aside by one of the ladies that we work with, she looks all teary, she sits me down at the couch, grabs my hand, and starts to tell me how her last 9 days has been for her, this is what she tells me:


... for many years i have had problems with managing my family, my two sons, and my daughter. i want to work, and believe i can work, i want my family to be proud of me, and show me the respect that i deserve, but for many years i havent been able to achieve that, what is worse is that me working has taken a torn on my relationship with my husband and children, they dont feel i am there to support them and in the same way i dont feel they support me, and with that we fight a lot, and it is not pleasant for me to be at home... now over the last 9 days you have given me the tools to get more organized, more planned, to focus on what i really want to do, and understand what i have to do, you have taught me how to prioritize in my everyday, and how i can free up more time, get more done with less, and you have also shown me how important it is to talk about why i decide what i decide, you have given me the tools to give and ask for feedback from anybody - and with this i practise every day, at work and more important at home, and my family sees a different, and i feel there is a difference happening - i explain and express why i want to do what i want to do, i share with my family how my day looks like, and i ask for their help and support .. and they now are starting to understand me better and accept what it is that i want to do, that it is not only for me, but it for them, it is for all of them, so they will be proud of me, their mother and wife..So Martin you have changed my life - and have changed my family to the better, you have supported me without knowing it .. and in 9 days you have done something for me, that i havent been able to do for myself in many years.... Thank you ... 

in general i am not very good with compliments - but this here is simply to much for me, for the second time in Chennai i dont know what to say .. i am speechless, i have never-ever heard anything this powerful .. and the only thing i can find as a reply is "thank you and it was my pleasure" .. anything else would i guess have ruined one of the most heartbreaking stories i have ever heard...

...and now to something completely different..

what do you need to cheer up a woman from Sweden and a guy from Denmark, answer, - 7 people from India, a sari and a kurta .. so after lunch around 14.30 Susanna is all of a sudden rushed of to one of the rooms on the floor we are doing trainings at (we both kinda had the suspicion that something was coming..) and for 30 min almost she wasnt allowed out, more and more of the women we showing up for the goodbye party that was being hosted for us today, i am sitting waiting, chatting with some of them, as i move to go to the toilet (well you saw the picture, not really a toilet more like a hole in the ground) Peeti comes up to me, he seems very tense, and as i finish my visit he tells me to join him on one floor up, on the stairs, where he literally tells me to undress (this could be misinterpreted ..- i somehow choose not to ..) and he hands me a brand new kurta, white trousers, and something looking like golden overpart .. it is soo nice, and of course i slip into it...

as i enter the training room i kinda guess what i will see, the ladies have dress Susanna from top till toe in the traditional Saree, gold earrings, necklace, bracelets, even the bracelets for her ankles, hair is done, make up.. the whole real deal .. - and she looks fantastic, it seems like we are become all accepted into their lives now as we are dressed up, i guess this was what was missing for the final acceptance - here it is, and they are loving it .. and i have to admit, so are we.

Needless to say the amount of pictures being taken is rather high and to be honest - this time around i dont mind, and i eventually end up striking a pose .. .(well not really - just wanted to write that..) after the first initial photo shot is over, Priana starts to welcome the different people to take the stage to say a couple of words about us, our work here, their weeks of experience, and it becomes once again a bit emotional - i even catch Virgil being a bit wet-eyed - and seeing her like this, all emotional and sensitive i very fast feel something in the corner of my eyes .. as i try to hold it back, i see several of our team members having the exact same problem as me .. i am happy i am not alone with me feelings and emotions..

Time is certainly running fast when you are having fun, and on this last goodbye party time is all of a sudden up and it is almost time to say goodbye for the very last time (or as i like to put it .. - see you later..goodbye seems so much like never again ..) we are given one final present.. and with that it is time to take one last bow .. - and so we bow our humble heads to a set of people that for sure deserve all the respect i can ever find ..

.. one last song ..

so we hit the office at 10 ready to deliver our final presentation here in Chennai, some 4 weeks ago we stood almost at the same spot talking about what we were going to do, and now we done, it is all at the final stage. We still however have one last exercise and that is to share with the management team, our findings, our work, our conclusions and our recommendations .. - and i am the type of person that if i have to go, i will go with a bang, and seemingly so is Susanna (my eternal partner in crime..) so we have a power pact and up-beat presentation for 3 hours, which i think now reflecting over it, went really well.. Virgil the director is joining in today and it seems that we are hitting a couple of points that she has seen and have been trying to resolve for some time now, it does indeed seem that great minds think a like ..

(One last and final presentation in Chennai...)

As the presentation draws to a closure, we take our last chances to thank all of them for their help and support, their leadership, their patience with us, their energy, excitement - and for my part, their motivation and inspiration.. and as i boldly put it - they themselves has become stronger leaders, and should they ever want to see what a great person and strong leader looks like - simply look in the mirror .. and with the sentence i get a couple of nods of appreciation from the team ... - no need you all deserved it ... without spending to much more words on this kinda depressing conclusion of the 4 weeks - you all made a difference to me and my life, i think we have delivered something to be proud of, i believe we have made a difference, i believe we have shared a passion to do good in the world, i think we have shown leadership - and i think we have found leadership, but more important for myself, i think i am a little step closer to making sense out of my life.. and a little step closer to being a more complete leader..

...Back to the fields of life ..

so i am finally back, back where it all started - in the slums of Chennai, and funny enough i have missed it, the sounds, the colours, the feeling, the atmosphere, simply the slum, its hard to describe but it is special - and we have made many friends here, this time around we get on the train, which is some experience - no doors in the train imagine that .. - we get off, and for a while i am lost to where we are going, we get on a rickshaw drive for 10 min and then i am home, i wrote about this place in one of my previous posts, we are welcomed by smiling women, children coming up to us, and Mike is fast to break out the camera, and with that the group of children grows fast very easily - they all want to be on a picture and as well see the pictures..

(arent they the cutest kids ever ... )

we meet some of the self-help women here, some of the local domestic workers, we meet one that we have never met before, and we start to talk to her, it is very nice to hear her experience, but we are brutally interrupted when her husband comes out to see what is all this commotion, and tells us very rudely off .. then that conversation is over.

(the charm of the slum is something i will never forget .. - isnt this just wonderful ..)

We move back to one of the sheds where we are welcomed inside but one of the community leaders, that has prepared caj, and a "small" snack of us, needless to say it is a whole meal! I ask her for her opinion on what i saw and observed with this women's husband coming and stopping our conversation, she looks at me (she knows me already so she is not surprised that i raise it to her awareness..), asks silvi who the lady was, and where she lives, and tells me that she will pay her husband a visit (and this i can tell you will be a visit, where she most likely will explain the husband the husband a couple of truth about his behaviour) she asks me if there is something specific i would like her to say to the husband, and i answer, if she believes that the husband will be able to change ? why he is acting like this ? her answer is "he is having complexes..", its goes a bit deeper than that, she starts to talk about his insecurity, his lack of respect towards his wife, and the lack of self-confidence, self-appreciation, how the men here are not interested in working, doing anything but be at home, drink and watch tv, to have an easy life.. - it is a sad story - but here in the slums it is daily business, there is a lot of self-destruction, a lot of lack of personal pride, sense of responsibility .. how can a man call himself a man if he doenst take a responsibility over his well-being of his family, how can one call himself a man, and not being interested in the financial sustainability of the family, how can you call yourself a man, if the only thing you have on your mind is drink, watch tv and ensure your wife doesnt talk to anybody .. in my opinion you cant call yourself a man!

(helping out with the domestic work, guess where her dad is .. )

we talk further and go for a walk around the slum, and i notice that all the men are staring at me, and not in a very pleasant way - i ask silvi why that is, and the answer just re-emphasizes what i heard earlier, and i am surprised and not in a good way .. they look at me as a threat, because they see me as an intelligent person, that their wives would cheat on them with .. - me, a simple guy from Denmark is seen as a threat to their "territory", me.. here i have to admit that i cant find the right words to decripe what i feel now for these men, i guess i feel sorry for them, i feel sorry for the fact that they have so low self-esteem, so low self-worth, so low believe in themselves.. but more over - i feel terrible over how little trust and respect they have in their wives .. how little they believe that their wives will stay with them, i guess you ride the same way you saddle - and here they are digging a deep hole for themselves - funny that they themselves just cant see it .. - and more ironic is that they dont do something to change this..

(as it will be full moon tonight the temple is being cleaned and prepared for prayers...)

i am not judging anybody (or at least i try not to judge people..) but if your mission in life is to watch tv and drink the money your wife is making, what motivation does she have to do anything for you .. - and at the same time you are the one not respecting her, that is just so wrong .. i mean who should respect who here? i want to understand, i really do, and Ralph offers somewhat of an explanation to what he saw, the reality of these men is being so hardly pushed on them that this eventually becomes their only reality, a reality that it is okay to live a life like this, a life where the man is dominant, respectless, arrogant, aggressive, abusive, drunken, and in the end useless in upholding the household.. what a rolemodel he is for his children - and this is when the evil circle of bad influence begins, Ralphs explanation makes sense, but i refuse to accept it, i will have to however, but it doesnt

this here is a very powerful lesson to learn, good or bad we are all rolemodels - we ourselves choose what kind of rolemodel we want to become - good or bad, the choice is yours..  i just hope you will as well as i, will make the right choice .. and with these words my day is slowly lagging to an end .. what a day - once again Chennai offer me a full rolercoaster of emotions.. i am just happy that i got to share it with my colleagues .. - thanks team ..

...Entering Hogwarts ..

The dining hall most of all reminds me of a scene from Harry Potter where they are having their breakfast, it is huge, and needless to say it is packed with guests having their Biryani..we enter, and once again we have been highly expected, i believe it is the manager of the restaurant that comes to greet us, and he has the right table for us, he fast moves some of the people sitting there away - to make place for us, and where do we get to sit ? would you get surprised if i tell you that we get seated right where everybody can see us, were everybody can pass by and get a glimpse of us, a glimpse of the foreigners, the special ones...so here i have to tell you one thing, although i feel privileged with all this attention, i seriously have the feeling like i am an animal in the zoo, getting fed, and having visitors come and see me, see how unique i am, and that makes me enjoy a wonderful lunch a bit less, but i guess if it makes them have a nicer day - then i, with the support of my colleagues will sacrifice our self today ..

(..and here is Hogwarts for you..)

So the show is almost over, lunch is great, bellies are full, hands are washed and it is time for us to hit the road and get of to the slums, and as we are slowly trying to escape without anybody noticing us, it seems like everybody notice it, and a last set of hands are being shaken, another dozen photos are being taken with us, blessing from family and friends are raining down over me, and the amount of "thank you for coming" is countless, and i feel that i am the one that have to thank all of them, that i am the one that feel lucky to have been invited to see and experience this here, it was magic..

(..arent they just looking amazing all dressed up .. they were the real stars of the day .. )

sitting in the rickshaw we talk about what we saw and what we felt, and here are my feelings, weddings here in India is often not only about the bride and groom, but also for the parents to show of, in terms of how important they are, or how rich they are, influential and powerful, imagine this, you might not have all the money in the world to show other people in Chennai that you are rich, you might not have your own multinational company to show how powerful you are, you might not be an influential politician, or a big film star, you might just be a good parent that want to have the wedding of your child to be a bit extra, and this is where we come into the picture, from their perspective did we make the wedding an event people will be talking about ? will people talk about who were those foreigners ? will they have some good memories to talk to their friends about while showing their photos with us ? sure they will - after all, how often does a typical family in Chennai have a guy from Holland, another one from the US, a woman from Sweden and a charmer (you can hear that i got a bit of an ego boost today hehe) like myself from Denmark, come to their wedding - not very often i can tell you that..

(already missing his wife.. )

so all in all, feeling a bit like a tiger in a cave, in order to have their families be the talking point for the next couple of weeks in this part of Chennai is a price i gladly pay .. if my company, appearance, and being can spread excitement - then i am more than happy to be here.. - thanks for the invitation - thanks for the opportunity to spread some smiles and laughter's, thanks for this magic moment, thanks for being part of this .. and thanks for allowing me to make your day just a bit more special ... - i wish you both all the best in your new future together ...

.. a bit different wedding ...

..isn't life just wonderful, full of surprises and events that you have never thought would happen to you, well today was yet again one of those days.. on Tuesday Susanna and i, got invited to go and see a wedding, actually a Muslim wedding, and of course we happily accepted it. So a long standing interest from Mike and Ralph has been to come and join us in the slum area - so what better opportunity could come then take them with us to this wedding - and so we did. So the four of us head of to a shop this morning after breakfast to buy flowers and then off to the office where we are to meet Silvi (one of our trainers, that has been on our trainings..). We arrive to the office, meet and greet and then off to the wedding..- and in the rickshaws we go, to take us into the slum to see a beautiful wedding ..

(you are officially invited to the wedding of Nisha and Saliba..)

you know you have been expected when there are family of the bride and groom waiting for you outside the site, and you have never met any of them before - so once again we are back into the superstar role, as we pull up in front of the site, we are welcomed by family and friends, escorted to the first floor, where the ceremony is to take place, we meet the groom on the way - he is looking all excited to see us (okay i might need to explain this, we got invited by his brother, so we dont even know the groom..) although we have never met him before, you can see that he is very happy we came, and when we break out our cameras he looks even more please (i have to admit that he looks very smart..) his father comes to meet us, we are fast introduced to his mother, that is take my hand thanking me for coming to her son wedding, for finding the time to come and be part of the celebration, and we are shown to our seats - and, we get the first row seats - not even family is sitting here ..- so we are seated and it takes us some 5 sec. before we have all the attention, and i am starting to get confused, did the people come to see us, or the wedding..

(Susanna was one of the main attractions with these girls ..)

i look at mike and Ralph that seem to be accepting the fact that today they are the superstars of the wedding, (i guess now they understand what i meant in my previous blog when i mentioned being centre of attention..), mike takes a lot of great photos, and the more he takes, the more children are coming up to be part of the photo-shot, and they are not letting him go without having had their pictures taken by him..and when he is done with the picture taking, it is now his turn to have his picture taken, the photographer is not in the centre.. After pictures and handshakes in high volumes we are finally having a bit of breathing-space and i am being told that the Muslim priest is late already 40 min. and still more and more people are entering the room, i think that by now we are somewhere around 2-300 people..

(..this is only one little part of the whole hall - it was packed with people..)

The priest enters, takes the stage (nonchalant after being late 50 min.), sits down, signs some papers, talk some words with the fathers of the bride and groom - collects some money, and then it all starts, he starts to sing out some prayers, speak some words, then some more prayers, some more words, and after 20 min it is over... kinda an anticlimax if you ask me..

(the guy with the white little hat is the priest that married the couple..)

The official part of the ceremony is over and it only took some 20 min, and then it becomes interesting, till now i still didnt see the bride, but now she is rushed to the stage to take a stand next to her new husband, and pictures are being taken, hugs are being given, gifts are being handed over, when you hand over your gift you get a photo with them ..

(..and here is the new happy couple .. what a dress-up .. ) 

As mentioned already, Susanna and i bought some flowers, and as Susanna hands over the flowers to the wife, we are all being asked to come to the stage, to a full photo shot with the bride and groom, we are being told to look in this direction, then that direction, we are almost hired models on work, we are the stand-ins that you can hire to make your wedding more interesting .. i am once again thinking about the fact that instead of showing the new wedded couple some interest, 4 foreigners are getting all the attention, and it makes me feel a bit strange...

(final hugs are being shared before it is lunch time..)

...The Press conference ..

the briefing is on its way and we start our first set of interviews, introducing ourselves, what we do, where we are from, how we like India all the usual stuff, it doesnt really get interesting till some 20 min into the interview, where the questions starts to be about what we have learned, what the NGO has learned, what we take out of this assignment, how we will carry this back with us, how we have changed, how we would have prepared differently - there is a lot of good questions, and equally good answers, the first interview really is only the warm of to what soon is to become for yours truly a test of patience ..

so here is what happens.. already when she enters the reporter, you sense her arrogance, her sense of pride of being a reporter, and how superior she is to the rest of her fellow country men and women,  and my God she is not holding back, within 2 min she is having a go at our local media representative, challenging why our company is doing what we are doing, why, how, what, and in the end pretty much ends up making it sound like we are wasting everybody time (needless to say i am getting a slight bit upset here.. - ignorance and arrogance as i always say is a dangerous combination - but even worse, it is a very bad combination..)

however friends it gets worse, at one time Prija from the organization i have been working with comes with a comment about how she has benefited from this assignment and the reporter literally says the following "well to be honest your NGO and the project done there wasnt to important and difficult so thats not really interesting.." - and here i am now biting my tongue, feeling blood in my mouth - taking street children of the street, is not important? taking children out of child labour to put them into schools - that is not important ? empowering women that have been in abusive families, that are selling their children - so they can become better off is not important ? - if that is not important and interesting, what is .. and then i remember one thing, its a newspaper, to hell with importance and objectivity what she is here for is a good story that will sell some papers, some sensation news, some gossip and that is what she is fishing for .. and she is not sharing any tricks to get these stories.. she has another go at the NGOs here - pretty much telling them that they are more or less incapable of taking care of themselves, etc.. she then strongly indicates that since our company hasnt so far gotten any business out of our work here, that it has all in all been a bad investment to send us here - and at that time i have had it (you would all have been proud of me, seeing how i was able to control my emotions..) - without being aggressive, pushy or any way what soever hostile, i ask her a fast set of simple questions: how much are you willing to pay for your company to have your leaders developed ? what is the price for doing what is right ? what is the price for community development? what is the real role of a leader? what is the price of one senior executive is you would buy that person from the street versus developing this person yourself ? and as she clearly cant answer any of my questions, i run through all of them, giving her the answers, showing that us coming here is indeed not for us to make short term business with a couple of NGOs, but for development, us, them, the communities, it is for growth both personal and professional, is development of skills, mentalities, its an investment, a commitment, an opportunity to stretch you, and so on, it seems like she doesnt disagree with me - and even compliments my emotional take on it, but - she comes with another questions, and here is what happens, Espen takes the lead on answering this question, hammers her with his answer - and there she stops, no more questions.. - and that is the end from her side, she doenst know what to say ..

(Susanna and Prija having fun at the press conference..)

she thanks us for our time, refuses a lunch invitation - and leaves... in the end i guess she got what she came for - a story that she can twist and turn into whatever she need it to be .. - she provoked a reaction from us, but i am not sure it was the reaction she expected to see from us - the reaction she saw was sincerity from all of us - based on mutual trust and respect, loyalty, a bond that has gone beyond just work now - a commitment and connection that cant be described in a sentence or two.. what she saw i guess is however not what she will show, this in the end doesnt sell any newspapers now does it ..  

Thank God that interview is over - this is the general feeling all have when we head into lunch in Taj - as bad as this interview went, as great the lunch is looking like, seriously - i dont remember the last time i was this confused over what to pick and choose first ... - lamb, vegies, soup, bread, rice ... it looks amazing .. and the taste - ohh i wish you could have tried it .. - it was delicious, and i have to admit - i do another portion, i even have ice cream, it is perfect ... - i dont recall the last time i have been this overeaten - dear Hotel Taj - my compliments to your chef well done ..

(WOW - what a wonderful lunch..) 

(more food ...) 

(..and more food.. )



so with a good feeling, a full stomach, and heart, we leave the Taj, the quietness and wander into the busy streets of Chennai ....

...the one and only Taj Club house ..

first the taxi is late, then i end up being the only one that cant fit in the first taxi, then finally my taxi comes, and guess what - the driver within seconds of taking of from our hotel gets lost, ends up on two occasions to drive direct against the traffic, and even according to Indian standards this is pretty dangerous, what makes matters worse, is that the driver is on the phone, taking away with what seems to be his colleagues on what road he is suppose to go .. and to bring a bit of flavor to the whole thing, this young guy is having his pinkie finger and thumb painted in bright red nail polish .. - very charming .. eventually after driving around in what seems to be circles we end up at our destination - the "Taj Club house" - now this is the other side of what i have seen in India till now - this is an absolutely opposite in terms of the slum area - this here ladies and gentlemen, is what a couple of hundreds of USD a night can buy you of luxury, holly molly .. - first it is totally sealed of behind high and tick walls, guards standing at the gate - big wooden and metal doors, searching any car going in to the parking, that will take you to the main entrance, a main entrance the has its guess go through a metal detector, the same as in the airports.. security guards everywhere.. - and then you enter ...

(the lobby of the Taj is a sight in itself..)

you enter something that most of all appears to be any other 5* hotel in Europe, i step inside the hotel and is instantly met by a member of the hotel staff, welcoming me to the hotel, and ask on behalf of the Hotel Raj how she may be of service, i introduce myself and what i am here for and she replies "we are very happy to welcome you and your colleagues to our hotel, your visit has been awaited with high anticipation, and we are very happy that you are here.." and with that she escorts me to the elevators - and shows me where the press conference is set to be (my colleagues are already in their media brief when i enter ... )

(..what can i say - stylish and elegant .. )

welcome to the Taj hotel, or should i say welcome to another world, this here is definitely not the India i have seen and have come to love .. - but i have to admit one thing, i am impressed with the standards .. would i like to stay in a hotel like this, no, would i like to come here again, no not really .. am i excited what today will bring - for sure .. and more important, am i excited about whats for lunch - absolutely :-))

...first real goodbye ..

today was a tough day - not in terms of work, i am use to that, actually i am use to much harder days..no today was a hard day because, today was the last day of coaching and training, tomorrow the whole day will be one big media circus - we will be in press conference from 10.00 - 15.00 and Thursday we will bring 3 - 4 of our colleagues with us to the slum area, to give them a bit of exposure to what Chennai also is .. so today really was the last day of working with this team, Friday we will eventually have the final presentation on our deliverable - and then it is "bye bye" India ..

so what made today so hard, well the emotions are coming up to the surface, the barriers are being let down, and it is coming out .. we have worked side by side with these people for weeks, we have had lunch with them, we have laughed with them, talked with them, shared hopes and dreams with them, we have connected with them, shared our passions with them, our loves and hates with them... and now it is slowly curtains down, a final bow, lights turning off - the audience is getting up to leave the theatre and we are left with nothing but our memories ... this time around - there is no extra show...

one of the guys from our group came to take the stage today before we left, thanking us for all we have done for him, helped him develop, improve, become stronger, more extrovert, more confident, more open minded, more professional, how we have inspired him, motivated him - and now he is sad because we are leaving him .. he apologies for being quiet the whole day - but he was been very sad from the morning till now, he has tears in his eyes ... - and slowly i feel them coming in my eyes as well.. another one of our girls talks to us about what we meant to her, what we will mean to her, how our leadership, passion and inspiration - is driving her to set out to achieve more things, new things that she a couple of weeks never would have dreamt of ... this is hard, maybe one of the most emotional experiences i have ever had to go through ..

(..my new-found Indian "mother" sharing her feelings and emotions with the group.. )

and as we close todays session we are made aware of that friday - there will be the goodbye party for us, where all of them will come, i fear at that time i will not be able to hold back my tears anymore.. but as one of the women shares with me before she gives me a hug (which is NOT common for a woman to hug another man !!) i have gained another son .. and with that i am for the first time in India left speechless - but she is right many of the women here has been caring for me like a mother to their son .. strange but now when i come to think about it .. i might just have gained a very big Indian family here - and that my friends doesnt make me cry, no not at all .. that makes me very happy ... and a smile appears on my face ... what a day ... what a day ... 

...another interview..

so 2hr20 min later i am back from the interview - okay i have to admit that i once again got caught up in the moment, i have to admit that the lady (very nice and friendly) interviewing us this time, really came with some good questions..

(our camera crew - really was a group of nice people.. made it all so much fun..)

imagine 9 of us (2 of our colleagues were missing - they arrived just when we were finishing up...) sitting in a "u" shape, talking, sharing, explaining, laughing, and then once its starts to hit many of us - we are almost done, time here in india is almost over ... once again a brutal reality check, one of many to come i guess, that same time next week i will be at work, sitting at my desk, i can still get use to that thought - has it really already been 4 weeks .. time does fly..

(Jana preparing for her motivational sentence - and it comes out perfectly ... )

before finishing the interview we get to say some motivational / inspirations sentences that is going along with our feelings and emotions on being on this program - here is my sentences ...


"leaders doesnt talk about changes, they make them, by either finding a way - or making a way, which way will you choose?" .... do i believe in it - absolutely .. do i want to live by it - most definitely ..