...Back to the fields of life ..

so i am finally back, back where it all started - in the slums of Chennai, and funny enough i have missed it, the sounds, the colours, the feeling, the atmosphere, simply the slum, its hard to describe but it is special - and we have made many friends here, this time around we get on the train, which is some experience - no doors in the train imagine that .. - we get off, and for a while i am lost to where we are going, we get on a rickshaw drive for 10 min and then i am home, i wrote about this place in one of my previous posts, we are welcomed by smiling women, children coming up to us, and Mike is fast to break out the camera, and with that the group of children grows fast very easily - they all want to be on a picture and as well see the pictures..

(arent they the cutest kids ever ... )

we meet some of the self-help women here, some of the local domestic workers, we meet one that we have never met before, and we start to talk to her, it is very nice to hear her experience, but we are brutally interrupted when her husband comes out to see what is all this commotion, and tells us very rudely off .. then that conversation is over.

(the charm of the slum is something i will never forget .. - isnt this just wonderful ..)

We move back to one of the sheds where we are welcomed inside but one of the community leaders, that has prepared caj, and a "small" snack of us, needless to say it is a whole meal! I ask her for her opinion on what i saw and observed with this women's husband coming and stopping our conversation, she looks at me (she knows me already so she is not surprised that i raise it to her awareness..), asks silvi who the lady was, and where she lives, and tells me that she will pay her husband a visit (and this i can tell you will be a visit, where she most likely will explain the husband the husband a couple of truth about his behaviour) she asks me if there is something specific i would like her to say to the husband, and i answer, if she believes that the husband will be able to change ? why he is acting like this ? her answer is "he is having complexes..", its goes a bit deeper than that, she starts to talk about his insecurity, his lack of respect towards his wife, and the lack of self-confidence, self-appreciation, how the men here are not interested in working, doing anything but be at home, drink and watch tv, to have an easy life.. - it is a sad story - but here in the slums it is daily business, there is a lot of self-destruction, a lot of lack of personal pride, sense of responsibility .. how can a man call himself a man if he doenst take a responsibility over his well-being of his family, how can one call himself a man, and not being interested in the financial sustainability of the family, how can you call yourself a man, if the only thing you have on your mind is drink, watch tv and ensure your wife doesnt talk to anybody .. in my opinion you cant call yourself a man!

(helping out with the domestic work, guess where her dad is .. )

we talk further and go for a walk around the slum, and i notice that all the men are staring at me, and not in a very pleasant way - i ask silvi why that is, and the answer just re-emphasizes what i heard earlier, and i am surprised and not in a good way .. they look at me as a threat, because they see me as an intelligent person, that their wives would cheat on them with .. - me, a simple guy from Denmark is seen as a threat to their "territory", me.. here i have to admit that i cant find the right words to decripe what i feel now for these men, i guess i feel sorry for them, i feel sorry for the fact that they have so low self-esteem, so low self-worth, so low believe in themselves.. but more over - i feel terrible over how little trust and respect they have in their wives .. how little they believe that their wives will stay with them, i guess you ride the same way you saddle - and here they are digging a deep hole for themselves - funny that they themselves just cant see it .. - and more ironic is that they dont do something to change this..

(as it will be full moon tonight the temple is being cleaned and prepared for prayers...)

i am not judging anybody (or at least i try not to judge people..) but if your mission in life is to watch tv and drink the money your wife is making, what motivation does she have to do anything for you .. - and at the same time you are the one not respecting her, that is just so wrong .. i mean who should respect who here? i want to understand, i really do, and Ralph offers somewhat of an explanation to what he saw, the reality of these men is being so hardly pushed on them that this eventually becomes their only reality, a reality that it is okay to live a life like this, a life where the man is dominant, respectless, arrogant, aggressive, abusive, drunken, and in the end useless in upholding the household.. what a rolemodel he is for his children - and this is when the evil circle of bad influence begins, Ralphs explanation makes sense, but i refuse to accept it, i will have to however, but it doesnt

this here is a very powerful lesson to learn, good or bad we are all rolemodels - we ourselves choose what kind of rolemodel we want to become - good or bad, the choice is yours..  i just hope you will as well as i, will make the right choice .. and with these words my day is slowly lagging to an end .. what a day - once again Chennai offer me a full rolercoaster of emotions.. i am just happy that i got to share it with my colleagues .. - thanks team ..

...Entering Hogwarts ..

The dining hall most of all reminds me of a scene from Harry Potter where they are having their breakfast, it is huge, and needless to say it is packed with guests having their Biryani..we enter, and once again we have been highly expected, i believe it is the manager of the restaurant that comes to greet us, and he has the right table for us, he fast moves some of the people sitting there away - to make place for us, and where do we get to sit ? would you get surprised if i tell you that we get seated right where everybody can see us, were everybody can pass by and get a glimpse of us, a glimpse of the foreigners, the special ones...so here i have to tell you one thing, although i feel privileged with all this attention, i seriously have the feeling like i am an animal in the zoo, getting fed, and having visitors come and see me, see how unique i am, and that makes me enjoy a wonderful lunch a bit less, but i guess if it makes them have a nicer day - then i, with the support of my colleagues will sacrifice our self today ..

(..and here is Hogwarts for you..)

So the show is almost over, lunch is great, bellies are full, hands are washed and it is time for us to hit the road and get of to the slums, and as we are slowly trying to escape without anybody noticing us, it seems like everybody notice it, and a last set of hands are being shaken, another dozen photos are being taken with us, blessing from family and friends are raining down over me, and the amount of "thank you for coming" is countless, and i feel that i am the one that have to thank all of them, that i am the one that feel lucky to have been invited to see and experience this here, it was magic..

(..arent they just looking amazing all dressed up .. they were the real stars of the day .. )

sitting in the rickshaw we talk about what we saw and what we felt, and here are my feelings, weddings here in India is often not only about the bride and groom, but also for the parents to show of, in terms of how important they are, or how rich they are, influential and powerful, imagine this, you might not have all the money in the world to show other people in Chennai that you are rich, you might not have your own multinational company to show how powerful you are, you might not be an influential politician, or a big film star, you might just be a good parent that want to have the wedding of your child to be a bit extra, and this is where we come into the picture, from their perspective did we make the wedding an event people will be talking about ? will people talk about who were those foreigners ? will they have some good memories to talk to their friends about while showing their photos with us ? sure they will - after all, how often does a typical family in Chennai have a guy from Holland, another one from the US, a woman from Sweden and a charmer (you can hear that i got a bit of an ego boost today hehe) like myself from Denmark, come to their wedding - not very often i can tell you that..

(already missing his wife.. )

so all in all, feeling a bit like a tiger in a cave, in order to have their families be the talking point for the next couple of weeks in this part of Chennai is a price i gladly pay .. if my company, appearance, and being can spread excitement - then i am more than happy to be here.. - thanks for the invitation - thanks for the opportunity to spread some smiles and laughter's, thanks for this magic moment, thanks for being part of this .. and thanks for allowing me to make your day just a bit more special ... - i wish you both all the best in your new future together ...

.. a bit different wedding ...

..isn't life just wonderful, full of surprises and events that you have never thought would happen to you, well today was yet again one of those days.. on Tuesday Susanna and i, got invited to go and see a wedding, actually a Muslim wedding, and of course we happily accepted it. So a long standing interest from Mike and Ralph has been to come and join us in the slum area - so what better opportunity could come then take them with us to this wedding - and so we did. So the four of us head of to a shop this morning after breakfast to buy flowers and then off to the office where we are to meet Silvi (one of our trainers, that has been on our trainings..). We arrive to the office, meet and greet and then off to the wedding..- and in the rickshaws we go, to take us into the slum to see a beautiful wedding ..

(you are officially invited to the wedding of Nisha and Saliba..)

you know you have been expected when there are family of the bride and groom waiting for you outside the site, and you have never met any of them before - so once again we are back into the superstar role, as we pull up in front of the site, we are welcomed by family and friends, escorted to the first floor, where the ceremony is to take place, we meet the groom on the way - he is looking all excited to see us (okay i might need to explain this, we got invited by his brother, so we dont even know the groom..) although we have never met him before, you can see that he is very happy we came, and when we break out our cameras he looks even more please (i have to admit that he looks very smart..) his father comes to meet us, we are fast introduced to his mother, that is take my hand thanking me for coming to her son wedding, for finding the time to come and be part of the celebration, and we are shown to our seats - and, we get the first row seats - not even family is sitting here ..- so we are seated and it takes us some 5 sec. before we have all the attention, and i am starting to get confused, did the people come to see us, or the wedding..

(Susanna was one of the main attractions with these girls ..)

i look at mike and Ralph that seem to be accepting the fact that today they are the superstars of the wedding, (i guess now they understand what i meant in my previous blog when i mentioned being centre of attention..), mike takes a lot of great photos, and the more he takes, the more children are coming up to be part of the photo-shot, and they are not letting him go without having had their pictures taken by him..and when he is done with the picture taking, it is now his turn to have his picture taken, the photographer is not in the centre.. After pictures and handshakes in high volumes we are finally having a bit of breathing-space and i am being told that the Muslim priest is late already 40 min. and still more and more people are entering the room, i think that by now we are somewhere around 2-300 people..

(..this is only one little part of the whole hall - it was packed with people..)

The priest enters, takes the stage (nonchalant after being late 50 min.), sits down, signs some papers, talk some words with the fathers of the bride and groom - collects some money, and then it all starts, he starts to sing out some prayers, speak some words, then some more prayers, some more words, and after 20 min it is over... kinda an anticlimax if you ask me..

(the guy with the white little hat is the priest that married the couple..)

The official part of the ceremony is over and it only took some 20 min, and then it becomes interesting, till now i still didnt see the bride, but now she is rushed to the stage to take a stand next to her new husband, and pictures are being taken, hugs are being given, gifts are being handed over, when you hand over your gift you get a photo with them ..

(..and here is the new happy couple .. what a dress-up .. ) 

As mentioned already, Susanna and i bought some flowers, and as Susanna hands over the flowers to the wife, we are all being asked to come to the stage, to a full photo shot with the bride and groom, we are being told to look in this direction, then that direction, we are almost hired models on work, we are the stand-ins that you can hire to make your wedding more interesting .. i am once again thinking about the fact that instead of showing the new wedded couple some interest, 4 foreigners are getting all the attention, and it makes me feel a bit strange...

(final hugs are being shared before it is lunch time..)

...The Press conference ..

the briefing is on its way and we start our first set of interviews, introducing ourselves, what we do, where we are from, how we like India all the usual stuff, it doesnt really get interesting till some 20 min into the interview, where the questions starts to be about what we have learned, what the NGO has learned, what we take out of this assignment, how we will carry this back with us, how we have changed, how we would have prepared differently - there is a lot of good questions, and equally good answers, the first interview really is only the warm of to what soon is to become for yours truly a test of patience ..

so here is what happens.. already when she enters the reporter, you sense her arrogance, her sense of pride of being a reporter, and how superior she is to the rest of her fellow country men and women,  and my God she is not holding back, within 2 min she is having a go at our local media representative, challenging why our company is doing what we are doing, why, how, what, and in the end pretty much ends up making it sound like we are wasting everybody time (needless to say i am getting a slight bit upset here.. - ignorance and arrogance as i always say is a dangerous combination - but even worse, it is a very bad combination..)

however friends it gets worse, at one time Prija from the organization i have been working with comes with a comment about how she has benefited from this assignment and the reporter literally says the following "well to be honest your NGO and the project done there wasnt to important and difficult so thats not really interesting.." - and here i am now biting my tongue, feeling blood in my mouth - taking street children of the street, is not important? taking children out of child labour to put them into schools - that is not important ? empowering women that have been in abusive families, that are selling their children - so they can become better off is not important ? - if that is not important and interesting, what is .. and then i remember one thing, its a newspaper, to hell with importance and objectivity what she is here for is a good story that will sell some papers, some sensation news, some gossip and that is what she is fishing for .. and she is not sharing any tricks to get these stories.. she has another go at the NGOs here - pretty much telling them that they are more or less incapable of taking care of themselves, etc.. she then strongly indicates that since our company hasnt so far gotten any business out of our work here, that it has all in all been a bad investment to send us here - and at that time i have had it (you would all have been proud of me, seeing how i was able to control my emotions..) - without being aggressive, pushy or any way what soever hostile, i ask her a fast set of simple questions: how much are you willing to pay for your company to have your leaders developed ? what is the price for doing what is right ? what is the price for community development? what is the real role of a leader? what is the price of one senior executive is you would buy that person from the street versus developing this person yourself ? and as she clearly cant answer any of my questions, i run through all of them, giving her the answers, showing that us coming here is indeed not for us to make short term business with a couple of NGOs, but for development, us, them, the communities, it is for growth both personal and professional, is development of skills, mentalities, its an investment, a commitment, an opportunity to stretch you, and so on, it seems like she doesnt disagree with me - and even compliments my emotional take on it, but - she comes with another questions, and here is what happens, Espen takes the lead on answering this question, hammers her with his answer - and there she stops, no more questions.. - and that is the end from her side, she doenst know what to say ..

(Susanna and Prija having fun at the press conference..)

she thanks us for our time, refuses a lunch invitation - and leaves... in the end i guess she got what she came for - a story that she can twist and turn into whatever she need it to be .. - she provoked a reaction from us, but i am not sure it was the reaction she expected to see from us - the reaction she saw was sincerity from all of us - based on mutual trust and respect, loyalty, a bond that has gone beyond just work now - a commitment and connection that cant be described in a sentence or two.. what she saw i guess is however not what she will show, this in the end doesnt sell any newspapers now does it ..  

Thank God that interview is over - this is the general feeling all have when we head into lunch in Taj - as bad as this interview went, as great the lunch is looking like, seriously - i dont remember the last time i was this confused over what to pick and choose first ... - lamb, vegies, soup, bread, rice ... it looks amazing .. and the taste - ohh i wish you could have tried it .. - it was delicious, and i have to admit - i do another portion, i even have ice cream, it is perfect ... - i dont recall the last time i have been this overeaten - dear Hotel Taj - my compliments to your chef well done ..

(WOW - what a wonderful lunch..) 

(more food ...) 

(..and more food.. )



so with a good feeling, a full stomach, and heart, we leave the Taj, the quietness and wander into the busy streets of Chennai ....

...the one and only Taj Club house ..

first the taxi is late, then i end up being the only one that cant fit in the first taxi, then finally my taxi comes, and guess what - the driver within seconds of taking of from our hotel gets lost, ends up on two occasions to drive direct against the traffic, and even according to Indian standards this is pretty dangerous, what makes matters worse, is that the driver is on the phone, taking away with what seems to be his colleagues on what road he is suppose to go .. and to bring a bit of flavor to the whole thing, this young guy is having his pinkie finger and thumb painted in bright red nail polish .. - very charming .. eventually after driving around in what seems to be circles we end up at our destination - the "Taj Club house" - now this is the other side of what i have seen in India till now - this is an absolutely opposite in terms of the slum area - this here ladies and gentlemen, is what a couple of hundreds of USD a night can buy you of luxury, holly molly .. - first it is totally sealed of behind high and tick walls, guards standing at the gate - big wooden and metal doors, searching any car going in to the parking, that will take you to the main entrance, a main entrance the has its guess go through a metal detector, the same as in the airports.. security guards everywhere.. - and then you enter ...

(the lobby of the Taj is a sight in itself..)

you enter something that most of all appears to be any other 5* hotel in Europe, i step inside the hotel and is instantly met by a member of the hotel staff, welcoming me to the hotel, and ask on behalf of the Hotel Raj how she may be of service, i introduce myself and what i am here for and she replies "we are very happy to welcome you and your colleagues to our hotel, your visit has been awaited with high anticipation, and we are very happy that you are here.." and with that she escorts me to the elevators - and shows me where the press conference is set to be (my colleagues are already in their media brief when i enter ... )

(..what can i say - stylish and elegant .. )

welcome to the Taj hotel, or should i say welcome to another world, this here is definitely not the India i have seen and have come to love .. - but i have to admit one thing, i am impressed with the standards .. would i like to stay in a hotel like this, no, would i like to come here again, no not really .. am i excited what today will bring - for sure .. and more important, am i excited about whats for lunch - absolutely :-))

...first real goodbye ..

today was a tough day - not in terms of work, i am use to that, actually i am use to much harder days..no today was a hard day because, today was the last day of coaching and training, tomorrow the whole day will be one big media circus - we will be in press conference from 10.00 - 15.00 and Thursday we will bring 3 - 4 of our colleagues with us to the slum area, to give them a bit of exposure to what Chennai also is .. so today really was the last day of working with this team, Friday we will eventually have the final presentation on our deliverable - and then it is "bye bye" India ..

so what made today so hard, well the emotions are coming up to the surface, the barriers are being let down, and it is coming out .. we have worked side by side with these people for weeks, we have had lunch with them, we have laughed with them, talked with them, shared hopes and dreams with them, we have connected with them, shared our passions with them, our loves and hates with them... and now it is slowly curtains down, a final bow, lights turning off - the audience is getting up to leave the theatre and we are left with nothing but our memories ... this time around - there is no extra show...

one of the guys from our group came to take the stage today before we left, thanking us for all we have done for him, helped him develop, improve, become stronger, more extrovert, more confident, more open minded, more professional, how we have inspired him, motivated him - and now he is sad because we are leaving him .. he apologies for being quiet the whole day - but he was been very sad from the morning till now, he has tears in his eyes ... - and slowly i feel them coming in my eyes as well.. another one of our girls talks to us about what we meant to her, what we will mean to her, how our leadership, passion and inspiration - is driving her to set out to achieve more things, new things that she a couple of weeks never would have dreamt of ... this is hard, maybe one of the most emotional experiences i have ever had to go through ..

(..my new-found Indian "mother" sharing her feelings and emotions with the group.. )

and as we close todays session we are made aware of that friday - there will be the goodbye party for us, where all of them will come, i fear at that time i will not be able to hold back my tears anymore.. but as one of the women shares with me before she gives me a hug (which is NOT common for a woman to hug another man !!) i have gained another son .. and with that i am for the first time in India left speechless - but she is right many of the women here has been caring for me like a mother to their son .. strange but now when i come to think about it .. i might just have gained a very big Indian family here - and that my friends doesnt make me cry, no not at all .. that makes me very happy ... and a smile appears on my face ... what a day ... what a day ... 

...another interview..

so 2hr20 min later i am back from the interview - okay i have to admit that i once again got caught up in the moment, i have to admit that the lady (very nice and friendly) interviewing us this time, really came with some good questions..

(our camera crew - really was a group of nice people.. made it all so much fun..)

imagine 9 of us (2 of our colleagues were missing - they arrived just when we were finishing up...) sitting in a "u" shape, talking, sharing, explaining, laughing, and then once its starts to hit many of us - we are almost done, time here in india is almost over ... once again a brutal reality check, one of many to come i guess, that same time next week i will be at work, sitting at my desk, i can still get use to that thought - has it really already been 4 weeks .. time does fly..

(Jana preparing for her motivational sentence - and it comes out perfectly ... )

before finishing the interview we get to say some motivational / inspirations sentences that is going along with our feelings and emotions on being on this program - here is my sentences ...


"leaders doesnt talk about changes, they make them, by either finding a way - or making a way, which way will you choose?" .... do i believe in it - absolutely .. do i want to live by it - most definitely ..