..it all started with a Thali and it finishes here as well..

so remember when i wrote a post about my first thali - it was in a place called "woodlands" not that far from where we live, well the team, or the left overs from the team decided to go there for dinner, after we had a small hugging session on the 2nd floor, we got some small presents from the hotel staff and in return they got some tips for their work during the past 4 weeks, it was a nice couple of hours, although i caught myself several times in going from high laughter to being quiet for a while - thinking to myself "its all over now, the end is near .." and a long flight and day is in front of me tomorrow morning, oh well no time to be sad about it now - i can do that when i am home alone right, so i refind my good mood, and we walk of to woodlands...

(Kristian and Susanna discussing the outcome of the program .. note her Saree .. ) 

at woodlands we spend most parts of our time to talk about our lessons learned, what we have changed or improved on, what we have developed, and the conversation is really great..we are talking and discussing whether or not it was long enough, or to long time spend in india, and in general we all share our opinions and feedback from the 4 weeks - the passed by in a blink of an eye ... and once again i blink and i find myself standing outside the hotel saying my goodbyes to Kristian, and after that we spend another 2 hours talking on the 2nd floor, before i at around midnight say my last goodbyes and then i am off to a night that is going to be short - and eventually bring me nothing but twisting and turning... tomorrow is going to be a long day ...



"...the end of our trip is near, the time is up, we say our goodbye to each other, to what have become friends and family, and to a fantastic country and city that has left its marks on our souls forever and ever, memories that i hope will never be forgotten, faces that will stay with me till i am old and grey..." 


Martin Nielsen, November 11th - 2011 

..what do you reply to this?...

so the party is over, we are signing the last papers, postcards, having some more picture taken, and have a final sitting with Virgil, on my way out, i get "pulled" aside by one of the ladies that we work with, she looks all teary, she sits me down at the couch, grabs my hand, and starts to tell me how her last 9 days has been for her, this is what she tells me:


... for many years i have had problems with managing my family, my two sons, and my daughter. i want to work, and believe i can work, i want my family to be proud of me, and show me the respect that i deserve, but for many years i havent been able to achieve that, what is worse is that me working has taken a torn on my relationship with my husband and children, they dont feel i am there to support them and in the same way i dont feel they support me, and with that we fight a lot, and it is not pleasant for me to be at home... now over the last 9 days you have given me the tools to get more organized, more planned, to focus on what i really want to do, and understand what i have to do, you have taught me how to prioritize in my everyday, and how i can free up more time, get more done with less, and you have also shown me how important it is to talk about why i decide what i decide, you have given me the tools to give and ask for feedback from anybody - and with this i practise every day, at work and more important at home, and my family sees a different, and i feel there is a difference happening - i explain and express why i want to do what i want to do, i share with my family how my day looks like, and i ask for their help and support .. and they now are starting to understand me better and accept what it is that i want to do, that it is not only for me, but it for them, it is for all of them, so they will be proud of me, their mother and wife..So Martin you have changed my life - and have changed my family to the better, you have supported me without knowing it .. and in 9 days you have done something for me, that i havent been able to do for myself in many years.... Thank you ... 

in general i am not very good with compliments - but this here is simply to much for me, for the second time in Chennai i dont know what to say .. i am speechless, i have never-ever heard anything this powerful .. and the only thing i can find as a reply is "thank you and it was my pleasure" .. anything else would i guess have ruined one of the most heartbreaking stories i have ever heard...

...and now to something completely different..

what do you need to cheer up a woman from Sweden and a guy from Denmark, answer, - 7 people from India, a sari and a kurta .. so after lunch around 14.30 Susanna is all of a sudden rushed of to one of the rooms on the floor we are doing trainings at (we both kinda had the suspicion that something was coming..) and for 30 min almost she wasnt allowed out, more and more of the women we showing up for the goodbye party that was being hosted for us today, i am sitting waiting, chatting with some of them, as i move to go to the toilet (well you saw the picture, not really a toilet more like a hole in the ground) Peeti comes up to me, he seems very tense, and as i finish my visit he tells me to join him on one floor up, on the stairs, where he literally tells me to undress (this could be misinterpreted ..- i somehow choose not to ..) and he hands me a brand new kurta, white trousers, and something looking like golden overpart .. it is soo nice, and of course i slip into it...

as i enter the training room i kinda guess what i will see, the ladies have dress Susanna from top till toe in the traditional Saree, gold earrings, necklace, bracelets, even the bracelets for her ankles, hair is done, make up.. the whole real deal .. - and she looks fantastic, it seems like we are become all accepted into their lives now as we are dressed up, i guess this was what was missing for the final acceptance - here it is, and they are loving it .. and i have to admit, so are we.

Needless to say the amount of pictures being taken is rather high and to be honest - this time around i dont mind, and i eventually end up striking a pose .. .(well not really - just wanted to write that..) after the first initial photo shot is over, Priana starts to welcome the different people to take the stage to say a couple of words about us, our work here, their weeks of experience, and it becomes once again a bit emotional - i even catch Virgil being a bit wet-eyed - and seeing her like this, all emotional and sensitive i very fast feel something in the corner of my eyes .. as i try to hold it back, i see several of our team members having the exact same problem as me .. i am happy i am not alone with me feelings and emotions..

Time is certainly running fast when you are having fun, and on this last goodbye party time is all of a sudden up and it is almost time to say goodbye for the very last time (or as i like to put it .. - see you later..goodbye seems so much like never again ..) we are given one final present.. and with that it is time to take one last bow .. - and so we bow our humble heads to a set of people that for sure deserve all the respect i can ever find ..

.. one last song ..

so we hit the office at 10 ready to deliver our final presentation here in Chennai, some 4 weeks ago we stood almost at the same spot talking about what we were going to do, and now we done, it is all at the final stage. We still however have one last exercise and that is to share with the management team, our findings, our work, our conclusions and our recommendations .. - and i am the type of person that if i have to go, i will go with a bang, and seemingly so is Susanna (my eternal partner in crime..) so we have a power pact and up-beat presentation for 3 hours, which i think now reflecting over it, went really well.. Virgil the director is joining in today and it seems that we are hitting a couple of points that she has seen and have been trying to resolve for some time now, it does indeed seem that great minds think a like ..

(One last and final presentation in Chennai...)

As the presentation draws to a closure, we take our last chances to thank all of them for their help and support, their leadership, their patience with us, their energy, excitement - and for my part, their motivation and inspiration.. and as i boldly put it - they themselves has become stronger leaders, and should they ever want to see what a great person and strong leader looks like - simply look in the mirror .. and with the sentence i get a couple of nods of appreciation from the team ... - no need you all deserved it ... without spending to much more words on this kinda depressing conclusion of the 4 weeks - you all made a difference to me and my life, i think we have delivered something to be proud of, i believe we have made a difference, i believe we have shared a passion to do good in the world, i think we have shown leadership - and i think we have found leadership, but more important for myself, i think i am a little step closer to making sense out of my life.. and a little step closer to being a more complete leader..

...Back to the fields of life ..

so i am finally back, back where it all started - in the slums of Chennai, and funny enough i have missed it, the sounds, the colours, the feeling, the atmosphere, simply the slum, its hard to describe but it is special - and we have made many friends here, this time around we get on the train, which is some experience - no doors in the train imagine that .. - we get off, and for a while i am lost to where we are going, we get on a rickshaw drive for 10 min and then i am home, i wrote about this place in one of my previous posts, we are welcomed by smiling women, children coming up to us, and Mike is fast to break out the camera, and with that the group of children grows fast very easily - they all want to be on a picture and as well see the pictures..

(arent they the cutest kids ever ... )

we meet some of the self-help women here, some of the local domestic workers, we meet one that we have never met before, and we start to talk to her, it is very nice to hear her experience, but we are brutally interrupted when her husband comes out to see what is all this commotion, and tells us very rudely off .. then that conversation is over.

(the charm of the slum is something i will never forget .. - isnt this just wonderful ..)

We move back to one of the sheds where we are welcomed inside but one of the community leaders, that has prepared caj, and a "small" snack of us, needless to say it is a whole meal! I ask her for her opinion on what i saw and observed with this women's husband coming and stopping our conversation, she looks at me (she knows me already so she is not surprised that i raise it to her awareness..), asks silvi who the lady was, and where she lives, and tells me that she will pay her husband a visit (and this i can tell you will be a visit, where she most likely will explain the husband the husband a couple of truth about his behaviour) she asks me if there is something specific i would like her to say to the husband, and i answer, if she believes that the husband will be able to change ? why he is acting like this ? her answer is "he is having complexes..", its goes a bit deeper than that, she starts to talk about his insecurity, his lack of respect towards his wife, and the lack of self-confidence, self-appreciation, how the men here are not interested in working, doing anything but be at home, drink and watch tv, to have an easy life.. - it is a sad story - but here in the slums it is daily business, there is a lot of self-destruction, a lot of lack of personal pride, sense of responsibility .. how can a man call himself a man if he doenst take a responsibility over his well-being of his family, how can one call himself a man, and not being interested in the financial sustainability of the family, how can you call yourself a man, if the only thing you have on your mind is drink, watch tv and ensure your wife doesnt talk to anybody .. in my opinion you cant call yourself a man!

(helping out with the domestic work, guess where her dad is .. )

we talk further and go for a walk around the slum, and i notice that all the men are staring at me, and not in a very pleasant way - i ask silvi why that is, and the answer just re-emphasizes what i heard earlier, and i am surprised and not in a good way .. they look at me as a threat, because they see me as an intelligent person, that their wives would cheat on them with .. - me, a simple guy from Denmark is seen as a threat to their "territory", me.. here i have to admit that i cant find the right words to decripe what i feel now for these men, i guess i feel sorry for them, i feel sorry for the fact that they have so low self-esteem, so low self-worth, so low believe in themselves.. but more over - i feel terrible over how little trust and respect they have in their wives .. how little they believe that their wives will stay with them, i guess you ride the same way you saddle - and here they are digging a deep hole for themselves - funny that they themselves just cant see it .. - and more ironic is that they dont do something to change this..

(as it will be full moon tonight the temple is being cleaned and prepared for prayers...)

i am not judging anybody (or at least i try not to judge people..) but if your mission in life is to watch tv and drink the money your wife is making, what motivation does she have to do anything for you .. - and at the same time you are the one not respecting her, that is just so wrong .. i mean who should respect who here? i want to understand, i really do, and Ralph offers somewhat of an explanation to what he saw, the reality of these men is being so hardly pushed on them that this eventually becomes their only reality, a reality that it is okay to live a life like this, a life where the man is dominant, respectless, arrogant, aggressive, abusive, drunken, and in the end useless in upholding the household.. what a rolemodel he is for his children - and this is when the evil circle of bad influence begins, Ralphs explanation makes sense, but i refuse to accept it, i will have to however, but it doesnt

this here is a very powerful lesson to learn, good or bad we are all rolemodels - we ourselves choose what kind of rolemodel we want to become - good or bad, the choice is yours..  i just hope you will as well as i, will make the right choice .. and with these words my day is slowly lagging to an end .. what a day - once again Chennai offer me a full rolercoaster of emotions.. i am just happy that i got to share it with my colleagues .. - thanks team ..

...Entering Hogwarts ..

The dining hall most of all reminds me of a scene from Harry Potter where they are having their breakfast, it is huge, and needless to say it is packed with guests having their Biryani..we enter, and once again we have been highly expected, i believe it is the manager of the restaurant that comes to greet us, and he has the right table for us, he fast moves some of the people sitting there away - to make place for us, and where do we get to sit ? would you get surprised if i tell you that we get seated right where everybody can see us, were everybody can pass by and get a glimpse of us, a glimpse of the foreigners, the special ones...so here i have to tell you one thing, although i feel privileged with all this attention, i seriously have the feeling like i am an animal in the zoo, getting fed, and having visitors come and see me, see how unique i am, and that makes me enjoy a wonderful lunch a bit less, but i guess if it makes them have a nicer day - then i, with the support of my colleagues will sacrifice our self today ..

(..and here is Hogwarts for you..)

So the show is almost over, lunch is great, bellies are full, hands are washed and it is time for us to hit the road and get of to the slums, and as we are slowly trying to escape without anybody noticing us, it seems like everybody notice it, and a last set of hands are being shaken, another dozen photos are being taken with us, blessing from family and friends are raining down over me, and the amount of "thank you for coming" is countless, and i feel that i am the one that have to thank all of them, that i am the one that feel lucky to have been invited to see and experience this here, it was magic..

(..arent they just looking amazing all dressed up .. they were the real stars of the day .. )

sitting in the rickshaw we talk about what we saw and what we felt, and here are my feelings, weddings here in India is often not only about the bride and groom, but also for the parents to show of, in terms of how important they are, or how rich they are, influential and powerful, imagine this, you might not have all the money in the world to show other people in Chennai that you are rich, you might not have your own multinational company to show how powerful you are, you might not be an influential politician, or a big film star, you might just be a good parent that want to have the wedding of your child to be a bit extra, and this is where we come into the picture, from their perspective did we make the wedding an event people will be talking about ? will people talk about who were those foreigners ? will they have some good memories to talk to their friends about while showing their photos with us ? sure they will - after all, how often does a typical family in Chennai have a guy from Holland, another one from the US, a woman from Sweden and a charmer (you can hear that i got a bit of an ego boost today hehe) like myself from Denmark, come to their wedding - not very often i can tell you that..

(already missing his wife.. )

so all in all, feeling a bit like a tiger in a cave, in order to have their families be the talking point for the next couple of weeks in this part of Chennai is a price i gladly pay .. if my company, appearance, and being can spread excitement - then i am more than happy to be here.. - thanks for the invitation - thanks for the opportunity to spread some smiles and laughter's, thanks for this magic moment, thanks for being part of this .. and thanks for allowing me to make your day just a bit more special ... - i wish you both all the best in your new future together ...

.. a bit different wedding ...

..isn't life just wonderful, full of surprises and events that you have never thought would happen to you, well today was yet again one of those days.. on Tuesday Susanna and i, got invited to go and see a wedding, actually a Muslim wedding, and of course we happily accepted it. So a long standing interest from Mike and Ralph has been to come and join us in the slum area - so what better opportunity could come then take them with us to this wedding - and so we did. So the four of us head of to a shop this morning after breakfast to buy flowers and then off to the office where we are to meet Silvi (one of our trainers, that has been on our trainings..). We arrive to the office, meet and greet and then off to the wedding..- and in the rickshaws we go, to take us into the slum to see a beautiful wedding ..

(you are officially invited to the wedding of Nisha and Saliba..)

you know you have been expected when there are family of the bride and groom waiting for you outside the site, and you have never met any of them before - so once again we are back into the superstar role, as we pull up in front of the site, we are welcomed by family and friends, escorted to the first floor, where the ceremony is to take place, we meet the groom on the way - he is looking all excited to see us (okay i might need to explain this, we got invited by his brother, so we dont even know the groom..) although we have never met him before, you can see that he is very happy we came, and when we break out our cameras he looks even more please (i have to admit that he looks very smart..) his father comes to meet us, we are fast introduced to his mother, that is take my hand thanking me for coming to her son wedding, for finding the time to come and be part of the celebration, and we are shown to our seats - and, we get the first row seats - not even family is sitting here ..- so we are seated and it takes us some 5 sec. before we have all the attention, and i am starting to get confused, did the people come to see us, or the wedding..

(Susanna was one of the main attractions with these girls ..)

i look at mike and Ralph that seem to be accepting the fact that today they are the superstars of the wedding, (i guess now they understand what i meant in my previous blog when i mentioned being centre of attention..), mike takes a lot of great photos, and the more he takes, the more children are coming up to be part of the photo-shot, and they are not letting him go without having had their pictures taken by him..and when he is done with the picture taking, it is now his turn to have his picture taken, the photographer is not in the centre.. After pictures and handshakes in high volumes we are finally having a bit of breathing-space and i am being told that the Muslim priest is late already 40 min. and still more and more people are entering the room, i think that by now we are somewhere around 2-300 people..

(..this is only one little part of the whole hall - it was packed with people..)

The priest enters, takes the stage (nonchalant after being late 50 min.), sits down, signs some papers, talk some words with the fathers of the bride and groom - collects some money, and then it all starts, he starts to sing out some prayers, speak some words, then some more prayers, some more words, and after 20 min it is over... kinda an anticlimax if you ask me..

(the guy with the white little hat is the priest that married the couple..)

The official part of the ceremony is over and it only took some 20 min, and then it becomes interesting, till now i still didnt see the bride, but now she is rushed to the stage to take a stand next to her new husband, and pictures are being taken, hugs are being given, gifts are being handed over, when you hand over your gift you get a photo with them ..

(..and here is the new happy couple .. what a dress-up .. ) 

As mentioned already, Susanna and i bought some flowers, and as Susanna hands over the flowers to the wife, we are all being asked to come to the stage, to a full photo shot with the bride and groom, we are being told to look in this direction, then that direction, we are almost hired models on work, we are the stand-ins that you can hire to make your wedding more interesting .. i am once again thinking about the fact that instead of showing the new wedded couple some interest, 4 foreigners are getting all the attention, and it makes me feel a bit strange...

(final hugs are being shared before it is lunch time..)